We both sat there in silence, staring at my giant computer monitor, jaws dropped wide. Neither of us had ever seen anything like this before. It was us. Having sex.
The first time I made a sex tape, I was eighteen years old.
Lianne and I were high school sweethearts enduring our first year apart as freshmen in college. She went to school in Rhode Island and I was in Texas. We visited each other every six weeks, and most of those long weekends together were spent in bed, catching up on the much needed touching and exploring we longed for.
It was challenging being a young guy on a big college campus overflowing with pretty women — and remaining faithful. But I loved Lianne, and was committed to making it work.
On one Sunday morning, I told her that it was hard to manage my sexual cravings while we were apart, and that I didn’t know what to do.
“Let’s make a video,” she said.
She went on to explain that, while she wasn’t feeling the need to be with anyone else, she also felt like our time apart was difficult and wanted to explore something new.
“Whenever we’re missing each other or feeling horny, we can watch us.”
Needless to say, I thought her idea was revolutionary!
Within a few minutes, we positioned the external webcam on my computer, stripped down, and made love.
Afterwards, we played it back — 5 times.
Watching myself have sex was a surreal experience.
The act serves as a container for so many physical and emotional things that witnessing it from the outside felt supernatural. Being my own voyeur was hardly something I had experienced before.
We each kept a copy of the video and agreed to share it with no one. It was our little secret.
Over the following six weeks, I couldn’t believe the internal transformation that took place. I watched the video countless times because, well, sex tape. But I found myself not craving anyone else but Lianne. In our video, she was stunningly beautiful, our chemistry was magical, and the soundtrack of our breathing, talking, and moaning was a constant reminder of how good we were together.
My world was so full of distractions and attention traps that having a piece of media to reel me in and remind me of how much I wanted my girlfriend was profound.
The video became a new tool to cultivate intimacy, and we used it in some really creative ways.
My favorite one was definitely the night we watched it together — over the phone — and masturbated. Listening to her long distance orgasm was erotic and intimate, and I remembered thinking there is no guy I know having a sexual relationship like this. It was deep, meaningful, and explorative.
Ultimately, Lianne and I stayed together for most of college, but split up our Senior year because of differences in long-term lifestyle. She actually wanted to move back to Texas, and I couldn’t wait to leave. However, we mutually agreed to delete all of our sex tapes (yes, we made lots of them) when we split up.
In the ten years since that relationship, I have made a sex tape with every one of my long-term, monogamous partners. Because while it was a great way for a long distance couple to keep the spark alive…
I’ve found that the sex tape is actually good for anyone that needs a mental refresh on why they trust, cherish, and choose to continue to explore their partner.
Today, we keep photos and videos of our partners on our phones to remind us of the moments we’ve shared with them — their smiles, laughter, surprises, etc. But sometimes, as we’re meeting more and more people, we don’t always remember why we crave our partner’s bodies and intimacy.
Making a tape is an exercise in trust and safety as well as an expression of gratitude. It’s a fun secret to share and an amazing memento to revisit over and over again. It will turn you on. It will keep that spark alive. Make one. Or many.