I matched with a guy on Tinder. He turned out to be the host of one of New York City’s most popular sex parties. I was immediately intrigued.
I’d always been curious about these things but never felt a strong enough urge to follow through. I had the option to bring a date, and there were a few contenders. Some open-minded friends and select partners. But the more I thought about it, I realized it was an experience I wanted to have for myself.
Stepping completely outside my comfort zone, I decided I would attend my first sex party alone.
I was overcome with excitement, curiosity, and a strong sense of empowerment. It was an opportunity to discover myself through an incredibly unique and liberating experience. At the same time, I was also freaking out a little on the inside. It would be a whole new level of vulnerability and exposure for me.
I did some research and set intentions.
I learned as much as I could about the event and the environment. The party would be at a private residence with multiple floors. There were rooms designated for intimate encounters as well as “no penetration zones.” There would also be workshops like Practicing Safe Kink and Tantric Massage. These instantly peaked my interest. Plus, they would give me some activities to keep busy just in case I wasn’t ‘getting busy.’
There was also a clear code of conduct. It emphasized the requirement of verbal consent at all times and mentioned there would be ‘peace enforcers’ to ensure appropriate behavior.
What are my boundaries? I wondered. I wanted to go into the experience without any expectations, and allow myself to be fully present and go at my own pace.
I found a friend before I found a partner.
When I arrived at the house, I was greeted by a young man who checked me in and gave me a quick orientation. He reassured me that it was an open and safe environment, then pointed me towards a set of stairs where I could drop off my coat. The festivities were about to begin.
For starters, I went looking for a drink. I found a kitchen with a bar and a group of about 15 people talking.
My nerves kicked in. My eyes darted around checking out all of the black lace lingerie. I locked eyes with a woman standing by herself. She looked as uncertain as me. We said hello and shared that we had both decided to attend the party by ourselves. What a relief. It immediately sent us into a state of genuine giddiness. We toasted to becoming wingladies for the rest of the evening.
That provided me with the sense of security and confidence I needed to really step into the evening.
People were drinking and socializing with no rush to get into the action. After talking to a few people, my new friend and I decided to explore more of the apartment and get a sense of the vibes.
I familiarized myself with the space.
We started with the top floor. It had an open common space area with pillows and blankets and two private rooms. The main floor looked like a regular party-- couches, DJ, bar, etc.. Adjacent to that there was a separate lounge and a small pop-up sex shop.
On our way to the bar, we discovered the basement. We sat down to join a small group of people. The first workshop was about to begin. It was a BDSM class led by a fiery dominatrix.
Suddenly, the energy of the room started to shift. I could feel the air getting warmer and interactions getting flirtier. Things were about to start happening.
At first, I resisted.
I wasn't ready to start partaking in any intimate activities just yet. My new friend wasn't either. So we left the room.
We followed the sound of music and ended up in the living room. I started to relax. We were going to get into this on our own terms. Then, we connected.
We started kissing. It was light-hearted, tender, and playful. The mood was on its way back up.
We danced some more. Then we made our rounds through the house again. This was starting to look like a sex party. Beds had couples and groups in them. There were still a lot of people who weren’t engaged in any sexual activity, so we didn't feel alone.
It kind of felt like a chill house party with some casually naked people.
I let go.
We stumbled into the tantric massage workshop while looking for a quiet place to hang out. After a few minutes, the teacher encouraged us to try our new techniques on each other. I approached a man in the class and suggested we massage each other. He happily accepted. His blonde hair, sharp features, and kind smile had peaked my interest.
While pushing pressure points and caressing each other, we exchanged stories. It was his second sex party, but his first alone. He commended me on my bravery to come alone and was impressed that I was comfortable going at my own pace. After the workshop, we decided to wander together.
We found our way to the basement. There was no one else around. Just pillows and blankets. The energy took a turn. My heart raced. The fire inside me fueled. I felt comfortable, excited, and eager. We kissed, and our hands started to explore each other’s body.
Just as clothes started peeling off, a group of people entered the space with their own dynamic. My new partner and I exchanged glances and I could tell we were on the same page. Although we would have been welcomed to continue amongst the others, we wanted our privacy.
We smiled, ran upstairs to get our stuff, and went back to my place where I felt much more comfortable to be intimate with a new person.
- - -
By showing up and diving in, I unlocked a new level of sexual freedom and confidence in myself. I felt more empowered to vocalize what I want, choose partners that I genuinely enjoy, and give myself permission to be selfish when it feels right.
I went back for more.
It also unlocked an interest, and comfort, in diving further into that space. I've returned to the same party to continue to explore the community, and myself. Every time, I find myself unveiling more interests and a few fun kinks. But those are stories for another time.